ALTERNATE UNIVERSE BLOGGING

Warning! Lighthearted post to follow!

Physicists have speculated on the possibility of alternate or multiple universes for some time. That concept remains a staple of science fiction and has creeped in to the historical community, where “counterfactual history” has become popular reading material.

What would an ” alternate blogosphere” look like ? Here’s my idea…

The Coming Oligarchy:

A trio of monocultural, Ivy League MBA, WASPs discuss the challenges of balancing stock portfolios, employing hot nannies, prep school traditions and finding the ” right” gated community.

The Butt of The Spear:

A look at the national security and intelligence communities by a former Congressional Committe staffer who once got to play ” junior senator” at a hearing and asked James Woolsey a few smart-aleck questions on late night C-Span2.

The American Failure:

Marc Sulemain’s New York Times worshipping blog. Noted for his militant enthusiasm for Hezbollah and his savage personal attacks on ” that neoconservative bastard, Juan Cole”.

John Rebbe:

An advocate of ” open-source religion” and an expert on “4GH” or ” Fourth Generation Hasidism”, Rebbe dusts off arcane points of interfaith dialogue each week to demonstrate the increasing convergence of high church Episcopalianism with obscure faiths like Jainism.

Tommy Barnett:

Acclaimed NFL color commentator in Green Bay, ” Doc Barnett” pontificates daily on the need to redesign the gridiron into a dodecahedron in order to spread the values of American football to places like Botswana and Montenegro ( Barnett’s webmaster, Sean of Interdict, embarrasses his boss regularly with simple grammatical errors and odd uses of syntax).

The Glaucomous Eye:

Cat-fancier Dave, a longtime member of the Waiter’s Council, sporadically gives vent to incoherent rants and periodic posts extolling the virtues of women’s roller derby. Dave frequently clashes with Sulemain of American Failure over charges of Zionist imperialism and retro-Trotskyism.

Svenpundit:

Scandinavian-descended bore whose tedious blogging on the intricacies of corporate tax accounting has not impeded his building a massive readership through the liberal posting of pictures of nude Swedish women.

The Blackberry:

Eccentric Americanophile English immigrant, famous for his groveling politeness toward commenters and fondness for tractor pulls, Pentacostal Church socials and Tex-Mex cuisine. A strict teetotaler and socialist.

The West Side Boys:

A group blog of white suburbanites who have immersed themselves in the rawest aspects of gangsta rap and underground hip-hop culture. The West Side Boys are noted for a lively comment section where whole paragraphs seem to be profainity interspersed by conjunctions and slang words of unknown meaning.

DAXTP:

Unhinged conspiracy theorist who decorates his blog with crudely rendered cartoons, no one ever has the least idea of what DAXTP getting at and we all find his frequent portfolios of scantily-clad male models disturbing, to say the least.

Emphatic Constable:

The laconic yet ferocious Curtis Weeks belches forth fire and brimstone posts in the best dry Baptist splinter group tradition, condemning most aspects of Western society that emerged after the early 17th century. Frequently flames DAXTP who responds with uncomplimentary internet graffitti; Emphatic Constable also disputes with John Rebbe on various aspects of religious mummery.

9 comments on this post.
  1. Dan tdaxp:

    ” Doc Barnett” pontificates daily on the need to redesign the gridiron into a dodecahedron

    LOL!

    (I liked that other guy, the unhinged conspiracy theorist, too… :-) )

  2. Anonymous:

    gay

  3. Dan tdaxp:

    Congrats again! A returning troll!

    The guys I get just threaten me with Hell and leave :-( You’ve built an online community!

  4. mark:

    Hey Dan,

    True, but those commenters of yours tend to be Iranian jihadis and Chicago gang members.

    It figures that I can’t even get one that is halfway clever.

  5. Dan tdaxp:

    Actually, your Chicago gangsta friends have been unfailingly informative and courteous, in explicating their desire for in-gang harmony and eventual world domination.

    Muslim posts (from both the Muslim world and Europe) tend to be one-third condemnation to Hell, one-third death threat, and one-third admiration for Lebanese females.

  6. Draconian Observations:

    Very funny! Although, of course, I’m not completely convinced you can lay sole claim to being of Scandinavian descent and blogging tediously.

  7. Lexington Green:

    Svenpundit would be pretty popular as long as you cut the accounting stuff to a minimum.

  8. mark:

    Hi Draco,

    I can’t even claim pure Scandinavianism. The Norwegian ancestry is mixed with everything in Northern Europe from Ireland to what is now Belarus.

    Hi Lex,

    I’d still rank high on Google image searches ;o)

  9. Curtis Gale Weeks:

    “Emphatic Constable also disputes with John Rebbe on various aspects of religious mummery.”

    Ar, I’m afraid the Emphatic Constable has struck again! Only this time, he did it at Nightmarish 5GT (Fifth Generation Tomfoolery). Pesky bugger, he is…