Friday, August 5th, 2005
PARTISAN IDIOCY, TAKE TWO
The New York Times, the nation’s self-proclaimed ” newspaper of record” that often omits more from news stories than they record, now is apparently investigating four year old children(!) in hopes of destroying the reputation of a Republican nominee. Hat tip to Don Surber.
That this kind of maniacally partisan witch hunting is disgusting is obvious to all but the demented but I wonder what kind of story the Times would hope to run….
“ NYT EXCLUSIVE !!
ROBERTS ADOPTION SCANDAL ! DEMOCRATS DEMAND HEARINGS ON
” PRESCHOOLER-GATE”
Washington, D.C. – Judge John Roberts, President Bush’s nominee to the seat on the Supreme Court being vacated by retiring Justice Sandra Day O’Conner has run into a serious confirmation roadblock as vague and groundless concerns have been raised regarding the adoption of the Roberts children, Josie age 5 and Jack age 4. Democratic members of the Judiciary committee posed solemnly for reporters on the steps of the Capitol building and waved tiny American flags as they demanded hearings to interrogate not only Judge Roberts, but his wife and the preschool age children themselves as well.
” Americans deserve a straight answer ” huffed ranking Democrat Pat Leahy (D-Vt.) ” we are extremely disturbed by these unspecified charges regarding the Roberts adoption and we intend to keep repeating them irresponsibly until all the camera crews pack up and go home”. Senator Leahy indicated that Democrats would seek to question the children but would show, in his words ” extreme sensitivity ” to their age while exploiting them on national television for squalid political gain. ” This won’t be Jerry Springer ” promised Leahy ” We’re shooting more for a Montel Williams or Maury Povich feel “. Other Senate Democrats nodded in agreement during Leahy’s remarks except for Senator Kennedy(D-Mass.) who appeared disoriented as he drank from a bottle concealed in a paper bag and fondled the breast of a young female Senate intern at his side.
Predictably, Washington interest groups weighed in on this new break in the Roberts Confirmation hearings story. Ralph Neas of People for the American Way was quick to point to the blossoming adoption scandal to question Judge Roberts commitment to Civil Rights and diversity issues. ” Frankly, these kids are too goddamn white ” Neas explained ” I mean, the Judge goes to a continent filled with black and brown skinned children and he comes back with two toddlers who have blond hair. This caters to a certain stereotype here in America and I think an appearance of ” familial racism” is not too strong a charge. Come on people, the kids don’t even speak good Spanish ! “.
While not addressing the comments of Neas, David Seldin of NARAL charged that by adopting Josie and Jack ” Judge Roberts and his wife have denied women access to safe and legal abortion” and claimed that Roberts was not trying to provide a loving home but was engaging in a politically motivated, anti-woman ” Intimidation by adoption”. Professor Cass Sunstein, a noted legal extremist, pretended to objectivity momentarily as he told this reporter that the adoption scandal ” raised the specter of impeachment….not just for Judge Roberts but for President Bush. Serious though undefinable Constitutional provisions have been breached” Sunstein intoned ominously” and if not, what the fuck, let’s just run that Gore campaign commercial again about a Black man being dragged behind a car in Texas”.
The New York Times itself has been criticized for its investigation of the Roberts children but was staunchly defended by the managing editor who said ” investigating the four year old children of Republican nominees is de rigeur for the Times” amidst gales of laughter from Times employees. The publisher of the Times, Arthur ” Pinch” Sulzberger, jr. refused comment, citing longstanding family policy of confining egomaniacal meddling and unethical behavior safely behind the scenes and letting the hired help take the rap “
Something like that.
